Quotations
Funny
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
- Benjamin Franklin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
- Anonymous
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