Quotations
Funny
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
- Anonymous
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
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