Quotations
Funny
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
- Benjamin Franklin
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
- Benjamin Franklin
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
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