Quotations
Funny
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
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