Quotations
Funny
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
- Voltaire
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
- Frank Sinatra
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde
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