Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
- Anonymous
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
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