Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
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