Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
- Alexandre Dumas
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
- Benjamin Franklin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde
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