Quotations
Funny

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
- Alexandre Dumas

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
- Voltaire

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw

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