Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
- Benjamin Franklin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
- Jarod Kintz
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
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