Quotations
Funny

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
- Voltaire

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
- Nikola Tesla

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce

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