Quotations
Funny

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
- Nikola Tesla

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
- Oscar Wilde

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