Quotations
Funny

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
- Oscar Wilde

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
- George Bernard Shaw

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde

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