Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
- Oscar Wilde
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
- Frank Sinatra
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
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