Quotations
Funny
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
- Benjamin Franklin
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw
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