Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
- Yogi Berra
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
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