Quotations
Funny
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
- Alexandre Dumas
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
- George Eliot
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
- Winston S. Churchill
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