Quotations
Funny
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
- Anonymous
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
- Jarod Kintz
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
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