Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
- Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
- George Bernard Shaw
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde
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