Quotations
Funny
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
- Nikola Tesla
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
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