Quotations
Funny
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
- Jarod Kintz
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
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