Quotations
Funny
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
- George Eliot
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston S. Churchill
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
- Anonymous
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