Quotations
Funny

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce

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