Quotations
Funny
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
- Ambrose Bierce
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
- Alexandre Dumas
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
- Benjamin Franklin
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
- Oscar Wilde
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
- George Bernard Shaw
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