Quotations
Funny
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
- Winston S. Churchill
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
- Voltaire
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
- George Eliot
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
- Jarod Kintz
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
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