Quotations
Funny
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
- Alfred North Whitehead
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
- George Bernard Shaw
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
- George Bernard Shaw
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
- Jarod Kintz
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- Mark Twain
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