Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
- Ambrose Bierce
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
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