Quotations
Funny
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
- Ronald Reagan
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- George Carlin
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Mark Twain
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- George Carlin
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
- George Eliot
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
- Anonymous
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
- Voltaire
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