Be good and you will be lonesome.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.