When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
