Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

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