Quotations
Funny

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

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