Quotations
Funny

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

-Winston S. Churchill

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

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