Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
