Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
