I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
