I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
