Quotations
Funny

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

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