Quotations
Funny

A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.

-Anonymous

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

-Oscar Wilde

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

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