When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
Funny
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
