I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
