Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
