Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
