Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
