Quotations
Funny

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

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