I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
