Quotations
Funny

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

-George Bernard Shaw

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

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