Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
-Oscar Wilde
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
