Quotations
Funny

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

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