Quotations
Funny

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

-Winston S. Churchill

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

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