Quotations
Funny

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

-Albert Einstein

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

-George Bernard Shaw

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

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