I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston S. Churchill
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
