I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
