Quotations
Funny

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

-Winston S. Churchill

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-Oscar Wilde

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

-Ronald Reagan

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce "Epigrams of a Cynic"

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

-Nikola Tesla

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

-Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

-Mark Twain

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