Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Quotations
Funny
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
