Quotations
Funny

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

-Mark Twain

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

-Voltaire

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

-Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

-Mark Twain

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

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