I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.
-George Eliot
"Adam Bede"
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
