Quotations
Funny

I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-Woody Allen

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

-Mark Twain

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

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