When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
-Winston S. Churchill
