Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
