The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.
-Anonymous
"The movie “Kinky Boots"
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
