Quotations
Funny

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

-Ambrose Bierce

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.

-Wilson Mizner

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

-Anonymous "The movie “Kinky Boots"

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

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