Quotations
Funny

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

-Oscar Wilde

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

-George Carlin

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.

-George Eliot "Adam Bede"

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

-Mark Twain

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

-George Bernard Shaw

My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.

-Alexandre Dumas

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-Mark Twain

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

-Oscar Wilde

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

-Benjamin Franklin

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