The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Quotations
Funny
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
