Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Quotations
Funny
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
-George Bernard Shaw
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
