Quotations
Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.



It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

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