Quotations
Mark Twain

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.



Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

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