Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
