Quotations
Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

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