Be good and you will be lonesome.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
We can’t reach old age by another man’s road.
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.