The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Be good and you will be lonesome.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
We can’t reach old age by another man’s road.
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
