Be good and you will be lonesome.
God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
