I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
Quotations
Funny
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
-Albert Einstein
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
-George Bernard Shaw
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
