When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Quotations
Funny
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
-Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
-Voltaire
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
