I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Quotations
Funny
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.
-Alfred North Whitehead
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
My father was a Creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, its seems, begins where yours left off.
-Alexandre Dumas
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
