Don’t be jealous if I spend 50% of my time with you and 50% of my time with others, because you get 100% of 50%, while all the others have to share that other 50%. This is the speech I’ve prepared to tell my wife in the future, when I’m spending a majority minus one percent of my time with my clones.
There is nothing more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
-Homer
"The Odyssey"
A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habit and then complain that he's not the man she married?
-Barbra Streisand
Never forget the nine most important words of any family:
I love you.
You are beautiful.
Please forgive me.
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
-Ambrose Bierce
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic; a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts; an enabler rather than a reformer.
-H. Norman Wright
Remember that children, marriages and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
-Mae West
"The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said"
