Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.
-Ambrose Bierce
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
