Quotations
Funny

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me

-Jarod Kintz "The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

-Ambrose Bierce

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

-Mark Twain

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

-George Carlin

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

-Mark Twain

I always feel that I have two duties to perform with a parting guest: one, to see that he doesn't forget anything that is his; the other, to see that he doesn't take anything that is mine.

-Alfred North Whitehead

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

-Benjamin Franklin

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

-Yogi Berra

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