I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-Mark Twain
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
-Mark Twain
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
-Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
-Mark Twain
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
-Ronald Reagan
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
