I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.
-Benjamin Franklin
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-Benjamin Franklin
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
-George Bernard Shaw
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-Winston S. Churchill
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
-Anonymous
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
-Ambrose Bierce
