When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
-Nikola Tesla
I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
-Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me
-Jarod Kintz
"The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
