Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-Mark Twain
Quotations
Funny
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
-Oscar Wilde
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
-Mark Twain
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
-Yogi Berra
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
-George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
-George Carlin
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-Frank Sinatra
Copy from one, its plagiarism; copy from two, its research.
-Wilson Mizner
